Tomorrow will be the First Day Of Febuary in 2013 and Chinese New Year will be arrive soon. I feel so SAD and Disappointed to this CNY. My family can just ignore me. They had prepared what they need for CNY but I am the one who not yet prepared anything yet for CNY. Maybe you will say I can be Independent, I can go prepare this for myself. But you don't know my Family, they not just don't care about you, they can also won't let you get what you want. What they had is the Expensive ones, what they wants is no need Cr\are about the Pricess. But my Parents tell me that they will bring me go some places to buy some Cheapest Shirt or Pants, it will cost not more that RM 100. I was just WHAT?! One of you bought your things at least RM 300 and most expensive is RM 500 plus. But you all want me to bought just RM100?! Is this FAIR?? What I meant to you all? Why you all need to this to me? You can feel that feelings when someone tell you like this?? I want to scream to them but I can't! They always think I use the most money, HEllo! One month i got use more that RM100?! I swear I don't have! My Brother 1 month at least need RM 450 for the school fees. Why not his fault? Why suddenly is my fault?
Few days ago I have a weird dream. That dream got one women she talks to me that I'm too over because I keep on thinking I want to buy the things I want when I have money. This also a Fault??! I didn't call my parents bought me the things that Expensive but I tell myself when I got money I will bought it myself, I know my parents can't support me. Is this also Fault?! I JUST THINK! But I didn't ACTION! Is it Fault?
I thnk like this I just can help myself to not keep thinking of that things when I have no money and I also can't tell my parents to force them to buy when they really can't support. I did this I just hope myself won't be Fight with parents or argue with parents about this things. I just don't want them feel upsad when they can't buy me a things that I want. Is this MY FAULT TOO?
They always force me to understand their situation and their feelings, but they don't even care about me. Why?! They always give many excuse when I tell them my problem and they will say back that is my Problem? why?!
I realize what i did also Wrong. Everything that out from me is Wrong! They want me changed I changed. At the end they said I didn't change at all. THEY DON'T LIKES ME. NO MATTER HOW I HARD I DO THEY WON'T FEEL APPRECIATE. IN THEIR EYES JUST HAVE MY BROTHER! I MORE WORST THAN PET OR A MAID! THEY DON'T LIKES ME! I STARTED TO HATE YOU ALL. SORRY!
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